My Sister, My Friend.

I don't believe an accident of birth makes people sisters or brothers.

It makes them siblings, gives them mutuality of parentage.

Sisterhood and brotherhood is a condition people have to work at.

~Maya Angelou

I have a friend. Well, after 33 years on this planet, I have a few. But I have a friend that is my oldest friend. We have been friends longer than we have not been friends. That friend and I were inseperable in middle school and high school. Even in college, her in the deep south, and me in the northeast, we were still inseperable.

When we were growing up, people thought we were sisters. She is, and always will be the closest thing I ever had to a sister. Not becuase we looked the same (she has ringlet curls, while I have straight hair, one of many differences), or because we dressed the same (sometimes on purpose, mostly by pure coincidence), or becuase we had the same mannerisims. We have always had a connection. We have always known when one of us needed the other. It was that connection that woke me up at 8:00 on a sunday morning, my freshman year in college, 2 seconds before the phone rang. It was her, crumbling into the phone, telling me that her beloved grandfather had passed away.

It was that connection that had me calling her 6 years later, on Father's Day, crumbling under the weight of the news that my dad was sick. This time it was me calling at 8:00 in the morning, and what is even more impressive, was that she answered, being as she lived one hour behind. It was that connection that brought her home to Connecticut that following April, to help me through the toughest time in my life.

Something had changed on that trip. Something was different. We were different. In the 8 years that have passed since that trip, I am still unable to figure out what had changed. We had gone our seperate ways geographically, that was true. But, we always managed to bridge the distance, with long telephone calls, emails, or whatever we could to make the distance seem manageable. Our lives were taking different paths. She was engaged to be married to one of the most amazing men in the world, and I could not be happier for her. She was planning a wedding, and I was finishing grad school. We were in different places, both geographically and metaphorically.

But the distance that grew was not due to geography, or personality, or life. We now have different "go to" people in our lives, mainly our husbands, who, ironically, grew up as best friends as well. We have children, my daughter and her son are a month and 5 days apart. It wasn't until I stumbled upon the quote by Maya Angelou that things started to be a bit more clear. Sisterhood is something that you must work at. Our friendship had always been seemless. It was just there. It was nothing we had to work at. Sometimes months would go between our talks, but I always knew she would be there if I needed her, and I hoped she knew the same about me. I see now, that when neglected, a relationship can not stay the same. It needs to be worked at. Which is hard when you have husbands, and children, jobs and school. Hard, but not impossible.

I know we still have a connection. It was that connection that had me thinking last night, "I have to call her. I never asked her how her niece was doing the last time I called". It was this morning, when I read my email that said, last night, about the time I was thinking about her, her niece had passed away. When I realized that there was something that had changed, was when I called at 9:00 this morning (8:00 her time) to make sure she was okay...and there was no answer. We have different lives now. And that is ok. I still love her. I am still here for her whenever she needs me. I just hope that she knows that.